Let It Go! – Overcoming Offence

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received in my life was…
“Be very hard to offend.”

This tiny sentence revolutionised my personal joy.
By nature I am a friendly person (I think most teachers are), but I could still be offended.
I am talking about the small stuff that so easily gets under our skin.
Let me give you a few examples…

* You are not thanked for all the hours you put into planning an event.
* An error you made is pointed out in front of others.
* A group of parents are gossiping about you.
* Someone else was given extra RFF time….. again.
* A student announces “Miss, what’s that big red thing on your chin?”.

I could go on and on and on and on and on and on. The list of things we can be offended by is completely infinite. If I am being 100% honest, most of the time when I am offended, it is my own perfectionism, fear of failure, insecurity and need for approval that is the problem. (Ouch, that was a hard one to admit)

Being offended pours poison on our happiness. It can deeply impact the people around us as well. When I feel miserable, I never teach well.

So how do I be hard to offend?

Just drop it.
Make the deliberate decision to be Queen Elsa and “Let it Go” (cue the song in your head).
Or if you don’t want to be a royal ice queen, be a teflon pan. Nothing sticks on you, it just slides right off.

Instead of holding a grudge, choose to believe the best.
Every single person we come across is carrying something hard in their life that we know absolutely nothing about.
If we truly understood what was going on, we would cut one another way more slack.
Believe it or not, most people aren’t deliberately trying to hurt our feelings.
We all stuff up.
Sometimes you are the one who hurts others.
* Parents desperately want the best for their kids – this can make them irrational.
* Your colleagues are stressed – they don’t always speak nicely.
* People have different responsibilities – they won’t proritise the same things you find important.

Our varying personalities and communication styles can clash.
In order to be happy, sometimes we simply need to forgive the imperfect humans around us, and hope they have enough grace to forgive us too.

When all is said and done – we will always bug each other.
It might be their fault, it might be ours, often it’s both.

Junk will happen every day that has the potential to offend.
It’s the way we react that causes the most damage to our joy.

So guard your happiness with vigilance…. Be the hardest person to offend!


What If I Can’t Be Elsa?

If you are struggling with being offended, some tips below might help.

Recommended
Reading

The Let Them Theory
(Mel Robbins)
100 Ways to Simplify Your Life
(Joyce Meyer)
7 Habits of Highly Effective People
(Stephen R. Covey)
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***
(Mark Manson)

Absolutely Anything written by Brené Brown.

Maybe It’s Me
Sometimes the problem is on our side of the fence.

Am I overtired, stressed out, triggered by a past experience? It’s time for some self care.
Maybe it’s a quick fix – a walk, warm bath and an early night.
It you are finding that you are regularly offended, it could be time to get professional support to help you break some negative life patterns. Be brave and just do it!
Maybe letting IT go is hard because IT has touched a raw nerve. Maybe they were actually right and we were wrong.
When that’s the case – apologise, make any necessary adjustments, and then… “Let it Go”.

I Think it’s Them
What happened is not okay. They were wrong and I need to tell them.

Think very carefully about what you need to say.
Consider a wise time to talk to them about it – privately, face to face, when you are both calm.
Never never never do it over emails or through text messages!
Explain how they made you feel (embarrassed, under-appreciated, sad, frustrated).
Listen carefully to their point of view.
Take a support person with you if necessary and give them the opportunity to have one too.

I Can’t Talk to Them
Find a trusted and wise mentor.

This is completely different to spreading the offence around the school staff.
The goal here is not to convince someone to agree with your side; instead you are seeking advice about how best to move forward.

Big Stuff Is Different
It is important to note that in this post, I am not referring to the serious issues of workplace bullying, harassment or inappropriate behavior that breaches the Code of Conduct. There are formal policies and procedures to follow when this occurs. If you are in a unhealthy environment, I encourage you to get support from the appropriate places.