Do You Know Me? – Building Trust Builds Respect

This week I found out something that can only be described as horrific. I discovered the incredibly confronting stories behind two students. Two different little people, two deeply painful pasts. They are so small and already so broken. After all these years you’d think nothing could shock me anymore.

You’d be wrong.

These two precious humans are hard to teach.
They challenge the status quo.
They are exhausting to have in a classroom.

Knowing their story is vital.
It doesn’t change my expectations of them.
It doesn’t change the consequences for them.

It changes me.

Uncooperative behaviour squashes our joy.
It is exhausting and often overwhelming.

If you’re feeling like it’s all too hard, there is hope.

Know them.
Knowing my kids is my most powerful behaviour management strategy.
Really knowing them.
I guarantee that the more I build a genuine relationship with a student, the easier they will be to teach.

This is true for our complex kids.
It is true for all kids.

Everyone needs to be seen. Our kids need to be seen. We need to be interested in their lives….even if we have to fake our enthusiasm. (I can only have so many conversations about Fortnite skins,)

It’s not rocket science.
When I know them, they begin to trust me.
When they trust me, they begin to respect me.
When they respect me, they are easier to manage.

We all trust people with whom we have authentic relationships.
And the way we build these relationships is by being interested in each other’s lives.

Pause for just a moment and consider your most challenging student.

* Who do they live with?
* How far do they travel to get to school?
* Do they have siblings?
* What is their favourite thing to do at home?
* What excites them?
* What makes them anxious?
* What makes them laugh?
* Who are their role models?
* What games do they play?

If you don’t know the answers to these things…… find them out.
It will make your day (and theirs) so much better!

How to be a happy teacher….. know your kids really really really well.

Below I have listed some easy ways to respectfully discover more about the students in your class.
Keep reading for some simple but effective ideas.

Morning Circle
Our school has uses the “Berry Street Education Model”.
If you have not heard of it, I highly recommend you investigate.
As part of this program, each day begins with the “Morning Circle”.
Some teachers are keen to launch into their day with their first lesson.
But our kids aren’t always quite ready.
In the Morning Circle we take 10 minutes for the students to share anything with the group.
It is such an easy way to learn about their lives and interests.

Here are just 5 of the 20+ things I found out in today’s Morning Circle:

Sammie’s newborn baby sister spent the night in hospital – she is worried.
Justin might not go to Luna Park tomorrow because his mum is sick – this is the 3rd time it’s been cancelled.
Chris has his Rugby League Grand Final this weekend- he is nervous.
Evan got his PS4 taken off him last night – he is not in a good mood.
Paige is seeing her dad today, and it’s not her normal weekend with him – she’s really excited.
(Name’s changed for privacy)

This is just one of the strategies “Berry Street” uses.
Click the link below for more information on this fantastic education model.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C0bTobn62-c&t=1s

Incidental Moments That Say – “I See You”
* Say hello to as many students as you can each day as you pass them.
* If you know a child’s name, use it when you greet them.
* Ask them a quick question, “Did you watch the Panther’s game last night?”
* Look at their face when they are talking to you. Model eye contact.
* Comment on things you notice “Did you get a haircut?”, “I like your watch”.
* Start a conversation on playground duty about something they are interested in. “How are guitar lessons going?”

Journal Writing
After our Monday “Morning Circle” we complete a journal writing task.
I never mark this piece of writing.
They have 10 minutes to write about their weekend (or anything else they want to write about).
When the 10 minutes is up they have a choice…

Return the books to the box.
OR
Put them on my desk for me to read.

Every Monday morning I am given the enormous privilege of access to their world.
Some kids will be too shy to tell you something face to face, but they will write it down for you to read.
This is a classic example:
Last Monday one of my students shared that his cat had been hit by a car and died.
He was too nervous to say anything in front of the class.
He was scared he would start to cry…. but he wanted me to know.

Personal Research
If my students are “into” something, and I don’t know what it’s all about, I do my research.
This weekend I will be investigating “Grow a Garden” on “Roblox”.

Is My Teacher a Real Person?
Share brief, appropriate, personal stories about your own life.
I tell them about funny moments
(well I think they’re funny).
I talk about my family.
Every Monday morning, I too contribute in the Morning Circle.
I share something about my own weekend.
They knew when I was trying to learn to speak French.
They know right now that I am trying to learn to crochet a beach bag.
Genuine relationships are two way relationships.

This is just a start.
There are thousands of things you can do to build connections, trust, and respect.
If you have any other ideas to share, we would love to know them.
Pop them in the comments below.

Thanks for reading,
Jen

PS – Important Note…
I don’t believe in changing the behaviour expectations of students because they have a sad life story.
It doesn’t help at all.
In fact it can make things more difficult for them.
They don’t need me to feel sorry for them or to let them off easy.
They need me to be fair.
They need me to be predictable.
They need me to set clear expectations and have clear boundaries.
(Future blog about that coming up.)