I Can’t Do This On My Own! – Building Authentic Friendships

Teaching can be a surprisingly lonely job.
Only teachers know that.
Being surrounded by small humans each day is noisy and busy, but it can be isolating.
Conversations with other adults happen briefly; in corridors and toilet queues and next to photocopiers.
Then we all squirrel off into our classrooms and get on with our days.

In my first few years of teaching I had great people around me.
We were all very young and very fresh.
We were at a challenging school in a low socio-economic area.
We bonded quickly and we had each other’s backs.
It was hard but I was happy.

Then… I changed schools.
I was the youngest on staff.
I was inexperienced and insecure.
I had a difficult year six.
I was trying to look like I was coping just fine.
I wasn’t.

I was deeply lonely.
So I hid in my room.
I was friendly to everyone, but I did not have friendships.

Kind colleagues would seek me out.
(Teachers can be like that.)
They would offer encouragement.
They were supportive and generous.
But I kept hiding.
I didn’t invest into building genuine connections.
I was exhausted.
I was anxious.
I was drowning.

This was my hardest year as a teacher.
It was the year I nearly quit.
It wasn’t only the loneliness.
My mental health took a nosedive that year for several reasons.
But my lack of true connection with my peers made everything harder.

Something had to change.
So I did 2 things that terrified me.
Both had a massive impact on my life, for the better.

1. I made a booking to meet with a psychologist to sort out my anxiety. (One day I will write a post about the importance of looking after our mental health.)

2. I stopped hiding in my classroom..

I pulled up a seat in the staffroom.
I listened to the conversations.
I asked a couple of questions.
I shared a few things about my own life.
And…
I made wonderful friends.

My work friends are all ages.
I have older ones who offer much needed wisdom and care.
I have younger ones who bring beautiful energy and fresh perspectives – and a million incredible skills that my generation does not have.

All of them enrich my days and encourage my heart.
I have laughed with them, cried with them, hugged them and been hugged by them.

SO
This post is a huge shout out to all the legends by my side.
The ones I worked with for a short time.
The ones I’ve worked with for years.
The ones I haven’t seen for a long time.
The ones I see every day.

I would not be able to cope in this career without you!

How to be a happier teacher….. build genuine friendships.

If this is a hard topic for you, and you are looking for some tips to authentically connect with your colleagues… there are some simple suggestions below.

ALSO – If you have healthy friendships in your workplace, keep an eye out for the people who don’t.
Teaching is too hard a job for people to be on their own.
Scoop them into your conversations.
Invite them to sit with you.
Sometimes, once we have made friends, it’s easy to forget what it’s like to be alone.

I’m Struggling to Find My People!

Building connection can be tough.
It takes energy to put yourself put yourself out there.
For the introverts of the world, even the thought of it is overwhelming and exhausting.
Here are some things I have found that have helped.

*It Takes Time – True friendship can’t grow instantly. If you are new to a school (like I was), you need to be patient. It takes a while for people to get to know the real you. A wise person once told me that it takes 6 to 12 months before you feel like you belong in a new place. It will happen.

* Eye Contact and a Smile – Every friendship begins this way. Try making eye contact. Try smiling (but don’t be weird).

* Say Hello – This seems obvious but it’s important. Say “hi” to the people you pass. Call out a cheerful “hello” in the carpark to the person who pulled in on the other side. Learn people’s names. Take the first step.

* Go to the Social Event – It is almost impossible to get to know people when we are all in “work mode”. Friday afternoon drinks, Movie Nights, Escape Room Adventures, Christmas parties; they all allow you to see people be their true selves. And you can be your true self too. You don’t have to stay for long. Just pull up a stool and listen to the conversation. Laugh at the jokes. Blow off some steam.

* Be Genuine – Open your own heart and world up. It can be scary to let people in, but there is no other way to authentically connect with others. Let them know who you really are.
BUT…

* Don’t be an Over-Sharer – In your desire to build friendship there is a line between genuinely sharing about your life and telling everyone about your latest medical procedures. Some conversations don’t build the connection you are looking for but instead can cause people to pull back.

* Be a Listener – The old saying “God deliberately gave you two ears and one mouth”, is a good one for a good for a reason.

* Be the Host – Take the initiative to organise something simple, a breakfast at the local cafe before work, or a night out at the local Thai restaurant.

* Invite People Home – Having people in our own home speeds up connection. Some people are more private and hesitant to open their own homes. I understand that. I also know that once I have been to someone’s home (or they have been to mine), we have a closer connection.

* Get Healthy Together – plan to do something healthy after work; a walk, a run, a gym session, a swim, a yoga class. It is a fantastic way to release the day and build friendships. It also helps your own well-being.

* Be Deliberate – Be on the front foot. Visit other people’s rooms. Encourage someone else who is having a rough day. Ask a question. Don’t wait for other people to come to you.

* Be Open Minded – Allow yourself to connect with people of all ages and interests. Schools are full of all kinds of people, from all kinds of backgrounds – classroom teachers, executive teachers, office staff, support learning officers (Teacher’s Aides), cleaners, counsellors, canteen workers, university students and casual staff (substitute teachers).
You never know when or where your next new friend might turn up.

If you are feeling lonely and would like to make a friend, click on the “Contact Me” tab at the top of the page – Let’s chat!